1. Which would be the more grievous offense?
   1. Staining a Pretty Blue Dress
   2. Creating a Secret Propaganda Campaign to Manufacture a False Case for War Against Iraq
2. Which would be the more pardonable transgression?
   1. Falsely, Systematically, and with Criminal Intent Conflating the Attacks of September 11, 2001, With Misrepresentation of Iraq as a Security Threat as Part of Fraudulent Justification for a War of
      Aggression
   2. Prevaricating About an Extramarital Erection Exam
3. Which would be the more grievous offense?
   1. Locally Redefining the Term "Heat-Seeking Missile"
   2. Misleading the American People and Members of Congress to Believe Iraq Possessed Weapons of Mass Destruction, to Manufacture a False Case for War
4. Which would be the more pardonable transgression?
   1. Misleading the American People and Members of Congress to Believe Iraq Posed an Imminent Threat to the United States
   2. Promoting Your Two-Ball General
5. Which would be the more grievous offense?
   1. Giving the Bald-Headed Butler a Raise
   2. Illegally Misspending Funds to Secretly Begin a War of Aggression
6. Which would be the more pardonable transgression?
   1. Invading Iraq in Violation of the Requirements of HJRes114
   2. Lighting a Candle...In Your Pants‼
7. Which would be the more grievous offense?
   1. Getting Your Bayonet Polished
   2. Invading Iraq Absent a Declaration of War.
8. Which would be the more pardonable transgression?
   1. Invading Iraq, A Sovereign Nation, in Violation of the UN Charter
   2. Having One's Kielbasa Caressed
9. Which would be the more grievous offense?
   1. Playing a Skin-Flute Tune in the Afternoon
   2. Failing to Provide Troops With Body Armor and Vehicle Armor
10. Which would be the more pardonable transgression?
    1. Falsifying Accounts of US Troop Deaths and Injuries for Political Purposes
    2. Having Your Flagpole Varnished
11. Which would be the more grievous offense?
    1. Sheathing One's Sword
    2. Establishment of Permanent U.S. Military Bases in Iraq
12. Which would be the more pardonable transgression?
    1. Initiating a War Against Iraq for Control of That Nation's Natural Resources
    2. Taking the Dog Out for a Walk
13. Which would be the more grievous offense?
    1. Meeting the One-Eyed Milkman in the Morning
    2. Creating a Secret Task Force to Develop Energy and Military Policies With Respect to Iraq and Other Countries
14. Which would be the more pardonable transgression?
    1. Misprision of a Felony, Misuse and Exposure of Classified Information And Obstruction of Justice in the Matter of Valerie Plame Wilson, Clandestine Agent of the Central Intelligence Agency
    2. Getting Help Pulling the Rusty Pump Handle
15. Which would be the more grievous offense?
    1. Greasing a Pipe
    2. Providing Immunity from Prosecution for Criminal Contractors in Iraq
16. Which would be the more pardonable transgression?
    1. Reckless Misspending and Waste of U.S. Tax Dollars in Connection With Iraq and US Contractors
    2. Dusting Off a Bone
17. Which would be the more grievous offense?
    1. Evangelizing About Your Noodly Appendage
    2. Detaining Indefinitely And Without Charge Persons Both U.S. Citizens and Foreign Captives
18. Which would be the more pardonable transgression?
    1. Secretly Authorizing, and Encouraging the Use of Torture Against Captives in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Other Places, as a Matter of Official Policy
    2. Hooking the Night-Crawler in a Turtleneck
19. Which would be the more grievous offense?
    1. Letting the Pendulum Swing Free
    2. Kidnapping People and Taking Them Against Their Will to "Black Sites" Located in Other Nations, Including Nations Known to Practice Torture
20. Which would be the more pardonable transgression?
    1. Imprisoning Children
    2. Having Your Hose Drained
21. Which would be the more grievous offense?
    1. Giving Away Free Protein Shakes
    2. Misleading Congress and the American People About Threats from Iran, and Supporting Terrorist Organizations Within Iran, With the Goal of Overthrowing the Iranian Government
22. Which would be the more pardonable transgression?
    1. Creating Secret Laws
    2. Wetting Your Wick
23. Which would be the more grievous offense?
    1. Getting Your Shaft Mined for Ore
    2. Violation of the Posse Comitatus Act
24. Which would be the more pardonable transgression?
    1. Spying on American Citizens, Without a Court-Ordered Warrant, in Violation of the Law and the Fourth Amendment
    2. Allowing Your Lollipop to be Licked
25. Which would be the more grievous offense?
    1. Giving Sight to Old, Blind Dick
    2. Directing Telecommunications Companies to Create an Illegal and Unconstitutional Database of the Private Telephone Numbers and Emails of American Citizens
26. Which would be the more pardonable transgression?
    1. Announcing the Intent to Violate Laws with Signing Statements
    2. Crowning a New King
27. Which would be the more grievous offense?
    1. Batting With a Third Arm
    2. Failing to Comply with Congressional Subpoenas and Instructing Former Employees Not to Comply
28. Which would be the more pardonable transgression?
    1. Tampering with Free and Fair Elections, Corruption of the Administration of Justice
    2. Taking the Lance Out for a Joust
29. Which would be the more grievous offense?
    1. Letting a Bunny Gnaw Your Carrot
    2. Conspiracy to Violate the Voting Rights Act of 1965
30. Which would be the more pardonable transgression?
    1. Misleading Congress and the American People in an Attempt to Destroy Medicare
    2. Getting Your Taffy Pulled
31. Which would be the more grievous offense?
    1. Finding a Winner for Hum That Tune
    2. Failure to Plan for the Predicted Disaster of Hurricane Katrina, Failure to Respond to a Civil Emergency
32. Which would be the more pardonable transgression?
    1. Misleading Congress and the American People, Systematically Undermining Efforts to Address Global Climate Change
    2. Cleaning One's Rifle
33. Which would be the more grievous offense?
    1. Buttering a Corncob
    2. Repeatedly Ignored and Failed to Respond to High Level Intelligence Warnings of Planned Terrorist Attacks in the US, Prior to 911.
34. Which would be the more pardonable transgression?
    1. Obstruction of the Investigation into the Attacks of September 11, 2001
    2. Teaching a Class in Eel Wrestling
35. Which would be the more grievous offense?
    1. Seeing that the Worm is Wriggled
    2. Endangering the Health of 911 First Responders

Scoring:

• For each question you answered B add one point.
• For each question you answered A subtract thirty-five points.

What's your Ethical I.Q.?

If your score is a positive number, Congratulations! You have a moral compass!

If your score was in the negative, What a Shame! Your parents should be jailed!